Thirteen Essential Ways to Ward Off Zombie Attacks

Take note: Knowing this information could save your life or the life of a loved one.

I didn’t read this thirteen-point list. Frankly, I’m not into the zombie scene. In the past—last week, for example—I would have clicked on it, just to file the info away for some future occasion. You never know.

Zombie_Attack_Survival_Sheet_by_aragon257 (deviant art)

I’m fasting from Facebook lists. I had a recent come-to-Jesus-moment and realized I’m a sucker for the list-clicking, time-sucking trap. I am addicted to squirreling away gobs of trivial information. Freezing herbs? No problem. Seinfeld emojis? Yep. Mental illness in dogs? Tragic.

The withdrawls from list clicking don’t involve hallucination; my skin is not yet crawling with invisible spiders. But I do miss the brief high, the occasional chuckle that comes with animals doing wildly cute things, and life tips that promise to revolutionize the way I pray, play, work, and vacation.

In the past few days, I’ve resisted these gems:

Top 10 Things You Might Be Doing Wrong Every Day

17 Acts of Random Kindness 

24 Pictures You Have to Look at Twice

25 Definitive Cat Videos

17 Brilliant Salad Toppers that Will Make Your Lunch, Like, a Bajillion Times Tastier

15 Crazy Things You’ve Never Thought About

29 Drawings Will Make You Question Everything Wrong In the World  (I clicked… and reposted)

The 43 Worst People at Every Wedding

 The 15 Most Common Cooking Mistakes of All Time

You get the point.

For your edification, I’ll share a few notable tips I recall from recent lists—“few” being a key word.

1. You’re tracked when you go back and forth between travel sites looking for the best deal; they raise the prices. Use the Incognito window in Chrome when checking flights. It blocks sites from storing your cookies. (“40 Genius Travel Tips That Will Change Your Life Forever“)

2. To charge your iPhone faster, place the device in airplane mode.
(“9 Ways to Stretch Your iPhone’s Life When the End is Near“)

3. Nearly all grocery store extra virgin olive oil is counterfeit. It’s a poorly regulated industry. “California Olive Ranch,” which they even sell at King Soopers, is the real deal. And speaking from personal experience, it’s delish.
(“The 15 Most Counterfeit Foods — and How to Identify Them”)

Some of you feel rather snooty right now. You may be thinking to yourself, “Honestly, I don’t know where she finds the time…” Don’t judge: You have your own issues, “cackling baby videos,” girl… Lists happen to be my weakness.

In a New Yorker piece from 2013, “Why Our Brains Make Us Click on Lists,” author Maria Konnikova says, “Within the context of a Web page or Facebook stream, with their many choices, a list is the easy pick, in part because it promises a definite ending: we think we know what we’re in for, and the certainty is both alluring and reassuring. “…and there’s little that our brains crave more than effortlessly acquired data.”

The article is an interesting read. It also led me to think about…


A Merman

The brain science behind Facebook quizzes:

What Kind of Dog are You? (I got Pug)
Which American President are You (I got Ronald Reagan)
What Kind of Man will You Marry? (I got Merman)

And catchy headlines:

“Fat Kid Fridays, July 11th Edition: The Week’s Most Ridiculous Eats, Ranked By Calorie Count”
“How Will You Be Arrested on Vacation?”
“Tourist’s Fingertips Sliced Off on Disney’s Pirates of the Caribbean Ride”

…a recent favorite headline:

“Dead or Meditating?: A court has been called to rule on whether a wealthy guru is dead or in a transcendental meditative state”

So that’s the deal. Facebook and Twitter have brought out strange, new addictions not seen at any point in history. And I am one of its victims. How about you??

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